I WON’T

 

I felt it in my palms

it was itchy and craving to swing 

I controlled it and pinned it down

but there you are, yelling and screaming 

your voice, raised high and way too loud

my hand shaking still, waiting for the call

the call to pull the hit 

but in my head, a sane war is on, battle for sanity 

I tried to walk away but you held my shirt

cling your fingers so deep into its fabric

I could feel your nails hurting my skin

as my heart keeps pounding, adrenaline at its peak

your yelling now eerie 

sending missile coordinates to my brain

my whole body already battle ready 

this duel isn’t for me, I won’t fall victim of guilt  

why wanting me to do what I don’t wanna do?

why wanting to see the ferocious side of me?

I know there is a beast in me, in us all

but I’m not ready to let mine out yet, I won’t 

@talk2leigh

10:28am

13 June 2023